Faith is...

I think faith is an interesting subject, one I get to teach on today for Sunday School but also one that always hides in the back of my mind for manipulation and thinking. The scriptures have all sorts of amazing definitions for faith, what it is and what it isn't. But I always like to put things into my own words and into the sphere of which I work. A while back I came to define Faith as playing an octave with your pedals at the end of a Bach piece at double forte volume. That takes faith, you can't look at your feet and the volume is already up there. You just have to believe in all the practice, in all the times you have done it right, and put your feet down with conviction and confidence. That is faith in my world.

Brother Fredrikson once accused me of giving him confidence....misplaced confidence! He knew he had a voice but didn't know he had a singing voice, but when told he could sing enough times he started to believe it and then, through his belief, he brought about the desired end. He became a soloist as well as a choir member. Therefore I must conclude that faith has to do with confidence and sometimes, it would appear, misplaced confidence. Nothing really changed with his voice, only the confidence to use that voice. Faith does not waver, we do. Sometimes I have enough faith to just present my gift and feel relatively confident. Other times I present it on the confidence of someone else.

I have Faith in Heavenly Father but sometimes I don't have faith in me. When that happens I have to borrow the faith from someone else until I am strong enough to have it for myself. That is the concept I want to teach my wonderful little ten through 12 year old students today. Use your own faith, exercise your own faith, but when you just aren't strong enough to make it happen then look around and borrow from those that are so willing to offer it to you. Look to unit leaders, look to parents, to friends and peers that you respect. Look there until you can look inside and blow the little sparks of your own faith to full light.

One of the things I admire most about my children is their faith. All of them have a generous supply of it. They keep going when logic says it is time to quit. That is faith in action and that is what we all need to cultivate. Emily was willing to exercise her faith in her musical ability to pick up a viola and play violin music for Nancy's wedding without the preparation time necessary. It didn't happen for other reasons, but the faith in her own ability was still there and I have no doubt it would have been a positive experience for both the performer and the listener, albeit the music might have been sacrificed a little.

What a key component to life this faith is. It is what I intend to work more on as the new year comes upon us. Having faith in all things, including faith in me.

Winter sky

This would be 525 heading towards Maxwelton Rd. And the best part of the drive! Maxwelton was pure white and ever so interesting. Sunlight Beach road was accessible only with 4 wheel drive so Joyce had to catch a friend to get home! We slid on in with no problems. I love the Island in snow when I am safe within my four walls! And this was even good snow!

Merry Christmas

What an interesting Christmas morning this has been. So far I have cleaned the down stairs and gotten a good start on the upstairs portion of the house. Maybe I should explain a little. We went down to Utah for Nancy and Jace's wedding on the 20th. I won't try to explain all the ins and outs of that, but would encourage you to check their web site because, in time, I am sure they will have pictures and comments. Suffice it to say, it was very nice, full of snow and complications, but great all the same. Our flight home on the 21st was canceled due to snow in Washington, and complicated by snow in Utah. We did get out on the morning of the 22nd, one of a hand full of flights that actually were allowed to land at SeaTac! The Kincaid's decided to stay in Utah for the week so they defaulted their tickets and are planning on returning on the 26th, weather willing.

That said, no one is home so there is nothing to do but what needs doing. Such a sad state of events, having to just do what needs doing rather than pushing it aside to do things that are much more fun. Makes me laugh a little when I think of it, but work is a saving grace most of the time and today is no exception. I even vacuumed the laundry room, you know that is scrapping (humm, interesting thought) the bottom of the barrel for me!

And now I am fixing a Christmas dinner for Joyce and Jock, Larry and myself. We will have left over Turkey, a long story in and of itself! You see, Linda stored her turkey in my freezer. When I lifted out the hamburger I was taking south to Lawrence the turkey failed to fly back into the freezer. Needless to say, when I got home it was thawed in a very cold room. I rinsed it, smelled it, felt it and made a decision....I cooked it! And it is one of the best tasting turkeys I have had in ages! WSU ran studies on same, the closer things are to spoiling the better they taste. I must have gotten pretty close because it is really good. And of course I decided not to share the fact with Linda but was over-ridden on that one....she might as well laugh at me while I laugh at myself! And I will replace the turkey! And then I am making Herb Bread but can't get a hold of Emily to get the recipe so we are having Michelle's french bread with what I think needs to be added to make it herb bread.

I had feared this would be a difficult day but it has been perfectly acceptable. I got a cute picture from Luzvie in regards to their Christmas and have had a phone call from Nancy too. The rest will check in later I am sure. And, the bottom line, the house needed some attention.

Life gave me time I didn't really want, but life also gave me a vacuum cleaner and the two have balanced out until things are perfectly acceptable. All is well here on the Island with a beautiful white Christmas that is melting quickly as the rain is coming down and the temperatures are going up. So typical Island!

Between do and over-do

It is the between time. The turkey is in the oven but too early to peel potatoes and that kind of thing. The table is set but too early to put the things on the table. The floors are clean but, well, but nothing, it is rare they are clean, not waxed but at least mopped! I always feel like I should be doing something but there is really nothing to do for an hour or so, might as well sit down and write for a minute.

I was remembering a couple of Thanksgivings that really stand out in my mind. When I was a teen we went down to Ran and Esther Ericson's house for Thanksgiving. It was the first time (and only time) we ever had Thanksgiving away from home, first time I didn't do any cooking for Thanksgiving. It was a good day but that is not why it stands out so much. We sat down to eat and the snow started to fall. It fell all the way through the meal and dessert. We actually left a little more early than we might have otherwise left because the roads were getting a little dicey. We got home safely but it made the holiday unforgettable for me. It snowed the rest of the day and was beautiful as only the Island can be beautiful in the snow.

Another very memorable Thanksgiving was at my new house in Auburn. Kenneth and I had just moved in at the end of October so everything was still new to me (the house was 20 years old when we moved in, but so new to me that it was amazingly exciting). I know my parents came and I can't remember others, but I remember the feeling of finally cooking the traditional Thanksgiving meal in my own kitchen with my own family. I was pregnant with Emily at the time and things were not going well. Kenneth was sick and going down hill rapidly but it still felt magical. Little did I know at the time it would be my only Thanksgiving under those circumstances.

And then I remember the first Thanksgiving Luzvie was with the family. She had never heard of such a thing but thought it sounded like a wonderful idea. I explained to her how the meal was rather traditional and why we ate certain foods for that meal. She loved it all but her little nose curled when I said we were doing pumpkin. She didn't like pumpkin. (we looked it up in the Tagalog/English dictionary because we needed to now we were talking about the same thing). I was shocked as everyone loves Pumpkin pie (Wrong, James doesn't like it!). When the meal was eaten and dessert presented Luzvie agreed to try to pie....and loved it. When she had pumpkin in the Philippines it had been as a vegetable and she didn't like it at all, and I understand that. I am not sure I would have liked it myself! From that day to this I can not make a Pumpkin pie without a little heart tug for Luzvie.

I remember Thanksgiving dinner when my grandmother was alone and could not come to the house, it was her last Thanksgiving. I took down a plate and ate with her in her trailer. It was beautifully touching to have that solo dinner with my Grandmother. I came home and ate with the family too, but it was nothing compared to that shared time with her. The same thing happened when my parents could no longer join us, I think it was Emily that took dinner down to them and enjoyed their company.

I remember Yukiko and the amazing changes she made in the traditional American dinner, and how much I loved those changes! She is magic with food and with Children. Heck, she even prepared macaroni and cheese right out of the box because it was Lawrence's favorite food and she wanted everyone to have something special!

And now I need to remember to get away form the computer and back to reality. A few more corners to clean and then food to fix. I am beyond words grateful that Linda, Curtis and boys are with us this year. Joyce and Jock are here too, but it is the children that make it special for me. All others are at family dinners but not my family dinner....it is good all the way around, but the best part is I have Linda home to share dinner with. God bless us all, everyone!

I love Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. I love the food, I love the thoughts that go along with the whole thing, but some years I love it more than others. Some years it is easy to love the holiday and other years it is a wee bit more difficult. This would be one of the latter years. My mind wants to prepare this large and lavish meal for my family, but my family is all somewhere else except the Kincaid's and they will be my God-send. It had looked a lot like it would be Joyce and Jock for the Thanksgiving meal....good and all but not special without some extra serious mental work to make it special. Each day is special and each holiday is special if we choose to make it so. I just like the easy ones that are special because there are so many family and friends around that it couldn't help but be special. Those others take work, they are well worth it but they take work all the same. Linda and Curtis will make it feel like more than a normal dinner that we have around here...you can count on Linda for that kind of stuff!

I know Nancy will be going to Jace's family for Thanksgiving. Haven't heard the plans at the Campbell house but they have family in the area so I guess they have options. Same with the LJ Godsey group, her family is all in the area so they have options too. In my own little heart I hope they are all together, the LJ Godsey group and the Campbell's, but I suspect they aren't. Having them together would be wonderful but things don't always work that way. I know Lawrence and Michelle spend many important dates with her "familish" as she calls them. And I also know there are lots of Campbell siblings in the area that Emily and James enjoy. And I must always remember, Joyce and Jock count us as family so it is a family gathering of more than it appears here.

But I still miss the days where my grandparents would come, my parents would be here, Luzvie, Emily, Linda, Lawrence and Nancy were all around the table. Good times....please take time to remember good times like that and be thankful for them, just like I am. Memories don't just happen, they are built and I cherish the memories I built around my family as they were all mine.....mine in heart as well as physically. Eat turkey and be thankful.....

Make mine RED

This would represent the beginning of the project. I decided that I wanted something different and had to limit the price greatly, so what do you do under those circumstances? You paint, and you paint something really different. I have always painted every space a shade of white. Some are tinted green, some orange but all basically white. I have this wood stove known in my heart as Belching Bertha, and she insists on putting soot all over everything on an all to regular basis. After dealing with this monstrosity for nigh onto 30 years I came to an understanding, more color means less visable soot. With that thought in mind I painted the living room gold a few years ago. I liked it. I painted the family bathroom Orange and I liked that too. Then came Nancy's joking that I should paint her room yellow (hay, I thought she was being serious!) so it is now bright yellow. Curtis said the beach bathroom would be nice in a rich copper....it is. Next step, a red kitchen with white cabinets and, while on a roll, a red dinning room.

Do I like it? Yes, I think I do. It is still in process and I will post a picture when it is completed so the jury is still out. But I think I will like it just fine. It is almost all painted now, one wall in the dinning room left and it has the first coat but I ran out of paint and it is the Sabbath so I will continue on Monday after a store run. It also helped to put in a new light fixture in the dinning room, one that actually pushes out some candlepower! It is so nice to be able to read in the dinning room and it brings out the rich red color without making it look Christmas like.

Next project, well besides finishing what is started, is the hallway. But I am thinking of waiting on that until after this weekend with Nancy being home and her bridal shower. She doesn't need to deal with the mess and my hands are saying they would like a day or two off painting. Painting puts such pressure on thumbs and mine are weak to start with. And now they are loudly complaining about the abuse! But the eyes are happy and the whole thing makes me feel good, so the hands will have to accept the problem with grace.

Now off to church. Primary program is today so it will be a strange and crazy day. I am glad these only happen once a year but I certainly see the validity of them happening. Ours will be acceptable but not a particularly exceptional presentation. I had expected more what with Karol being President, but she has been sick and others have taken charge and have not pulled it together particularly well. But it will be done and that is the big thing.

Halloween

The final day of October means Halloween has arrived yet one more time. I have read that it is the second most popular date on the calendar, greater than birthday celebrations for many children. Although they say Easter is gaining in popularity and Christmas, of course, is still number one. Why....Candy of course! And Christmas has to be the presents as well as the food. But I was thinking of Halloween the way we did it growing up. It was certainly much different than today and yet, when you look at it, almost the same.
My parents did not subscribe to holidays for the most part and Halloween was one of the least observed. As little children we would wear self created costumes to Woodland Hall and the Maxwelton Community Club would hold a function for all the children in the community. We would have desserts and games, apple bobs and pin the something on the something are the only two I remember. Most of it was an excuse to just get together and talk I suspect. I do remember that I enjoyed the night out.
As we got old, maybe eight and up, we didn't do anything organized. Leland and I would cross dress usually and head to our Uncles house and Grandparents houses, but that was as far as we were ever allowed to go. The cousins were driven to a more densely populated community and came home with pillow cases full of candy. We usually had no candy but a cookie and/or popcorn ball. I thought having that much Candy would be the most wonderful thing in the world.
Then in about the 5th grade I was invited to a friends house for Halloween and they were going trick or treating. My first (and only) time so I was greatly excited. We dressed up in put together things, then covered them with rain gear as it always rains on Halloween! And off we walked. It was fun for awhile and then it stopped being fun when we got to an older woman's house, the group of us was maybe 10 or 12 girls, and she ran out of candy. I was at the back of the group and she said she would go find some money for us but begged us not to do anything bad to her. Looking at her terror of the situation really affected me, I just hung back from there on out and collected no more candy, and then went home feeling kind of low. In our rural community everyone went to the densely populated areas and harvested, they had to invest huge amounts of money on our behalf....and thus ruined Halloween as I thought about it.
Today it is all well again. The children go to the church and we take care of our own. They dress up and get candy while the adults get desserts and visiting. Hummmm...the circle has come around and it is a good place to be. I again love the day and look forward to maybe being a little more involved in costumes next time around. I got to make some costumes for Emily's kids a couple of years ago and it was grand fun. I would like to do that again in the future. But for now I will just enjoy the fact that it is a fun excuse to pretend and enjoy people and food.

A Day Away

I found myself annoyed at the walls that I deal with day in and day out so I decided to take a trip. Mind you, I had neither time nor money for a trip so I made it a short trip! This is Lake Wenatchee State Park. I thought the leaves were beautiful and it reminded me of a picture my mother painted again and again. She painted a scene like this in the summer colors, the spring, touched with snow in the winter and, of course, he most favorite, in fall finery. I can't say as I left home thinking this was where I was going, but I kind of found myself here as I was following paths I used to take 30 plus years ago. Lots has changed in those 30 years, but many things have not changed. The leaves are just as beautiful, the roads nearly as empty, the woods more full of homes and the feeling almost the same. It was one of my favorite running away places all those years ago.

I enjoy my job as a teacher, as a mom and grandmother, but I really do get tired of the sameness of my life. Each day is pretty much like the day before and like the day that will follow. I guess that comes with doing most everything alone. I am content most of the time, but sometimes I just need to look at something more than home turf has to offer.

I remember going to New York City eons ago, alone, and thinking how much alone a person could be surrounded by litterly millions of people. I walked down Wall street, down 5Th Avenue and Broadway alone. There were crowds everywhere but it was still one of the most alone times of my life. I spent almost 10 days wandering the city alone. And the reality, that was not a problem. I have always enjoyed my own company and nothing much has changed. I find it easier to be alone sometimes than in the presence of people that fail to recognize you exist. That is the kind of alone feeling that is most difficult. Walking the Wenatchee River with Daisy dog didn't feel alone at all, but surrounded by people that fail to recognize I have a personality, needs and interests, well, that is the core of being alone...the negative alone. I have come to the conclusion that alone is more a mental thing than a physical thing. You can combat a physical alone feeling, but the mental, well, that is different. That said, I need to stay in contact with me and my adventures out into the world are those times to stay in contact with me....well, unless someone better comes along!

generations

Anyone that does not believe life is an on going process needs only to look at these two men working side by side, or kind of side by side. They go out to the orchard and load their wheel barrows with the clippings and then they head to the garden to deposit them to be composted back into the soil. James could not be more pleased with himself than when he is outside doing his "work" for the day. And I don't think I need to comment on how pleased his Grandfather is to have him tagging along. He complains frequently but I don't think he would trade these minutes for the world. Talk about power, watching your life and knowing it is going to continue long after you leave this earth. It tickled me.

Fall started today and I will have to admit I was not ready for that to happen. August was such a cold month that the heat of September was really welcomed. Particularly when it cooled down every evening so sleeping was always possible. But today we are back to the gray that is the trademark of Washington. It is good but....

I went out and picked another batch of blackberries this noon. The strange weather of the last two months has given us a good crop. The blackberries are fat and, for the most part, juicy. Some are pretty dry but you just pick around them. I think we take our abundance for granted sometimes. How many areas can walk down the road and harvest enough blackberries to make a crisp and do it within 15 minutes? That is pretty unique to the Island, pretty unique to our rural area and something I will always appreciate.

Chimney sweep

I want to tell you there was no boy on the face of the earth that was more proud of himself than my boy yesterday. This picture was taken after he had attempted to clean up a little bit! Somehow boys and dirt just go hand in hand, no matter the age.

Tuesday Larry went over to the Hoch's place to help Glen with a stove pipe issue. I guess they had their share of challenges getting the thing to work right, and did a lot of cleaning in the process. Two big boys playing chimney sweep must have been nothing but cheap entertainment. I guess they even left some rather tell-tale evidence in the size of Glen's posterior on the furniture! That I am sure went over well with Debbie! But it now works and the wash machine did a job on the cloths while the big guy hit the shower and scrubbed the rest off. What did the women of yesterday do with such a mess? I guess they scrubbed extra long and extra hard....I am glad I get to do it the easy way!

Logan McKay

The scales have tipped to the male side, but in a very pleasant way. On September 3rd, about 7:30 in the evening Linda and Curtis welcomed little Logan McKay into the family. Now I admit Little was never an adjective that I thought I would be using in conjunction with Linda's family, but it applies this time. He is a small child, 7 pounds and 11 ounces and almost 21 inches in length. For the Kincaid section of the family that is down right tiny! But he is well, he is healthy and Linda had a relatively easy delivery. There has never been an easy delivery, want to get that out right away, but the arrival of Logan was about as uncomplicated as you can get.



Babies all look like babies, a couple of differences as to size and color, but they all look like babies. That said, he seems to favor Curtis. That is good in that James really favors Linda in many, many ways. It only seems fair that Curtis has a child that looks like him too.



With the birth of Logan I have had the privilege of watching Master James for a couple of days. He loves being on Island, not because he really enjoys me but because he loves the freedom and the entertainment. He arrived at the house late but the first thing in the morning he wanted to see the puppy i.e. Kayla and he wanted to go out with Papa. They spent several hours outside just doing guy things. Good for all concerned. And, of course, they break every once in a while for trampoline time. That is the best to watch. James crawls up on the chair and onto the trampoline, Kayla bounds up and lays down on her back so that James can bounce her around. That is the most strange thing, dogs are not supposed to like being bounced on their backs but she appears to love it. If dogs could giggle I think she would! Emily had no idea what a nut this dog truly was, although she did know she was going to be a fun dog.

The rest of the story...

I have taken the time to tell the world at large my lack of infatuation with the Rug Doctor, so I might as well finish off the thought. The rugs downstairs look a lot better, however the above mentioned device leaves them too wet and in Washington that means they rot rather than dry. Yah, they greeted me the next day at the front door with an unfriendly smell that said I should have left well enough alone. I decided the best defence was to pretend I didn't smell what I knew I smelled and that time would just fix it. I am sure it would have too, in weeks or months. I gave in a built a fire down stairs, brought in fans and air fresheners and tried to make my house smell appropriate. Took 4 days but the down stairs carpets are now down stairs again. I won't do that again soon!

And then there were the hard wood floors. They need attention way too frequently but, while on the topic of floors, I decided to work on them too. It would save me a bucket of time if they were sanded and an appropriate sealer put on them, but that takes money and contracts and all sorts of things I am short on. So I use work instead. I started in the living room, swept three times in an attempt to get all the little dust bunnies. Then I moped three times trying to insure the dust bunnies were extinct. And finally I applied 3 coats of wax, being careful not to read the instructions too carefully, particularly the part about not applying to unfinished floors. They are right, of course, but this is my little fake-finish routine. For a couple of weeks it really looks like the floors are finished. Then for a couple of weeks it looks like I just need to mop and/or bag the floors and then, well, and then it looks like I need to get going and do it all again. I purchase a month, give or take, with each day of hard work. Did the living room on one day and then the dinning room on another. Tomorrow it will be the hall way and then I will sit back and enjoy the faux-finish. I tell you, when I have a better clue as to the next step in my life I will either refinish the floors or I will just walk away.

And yes, there is a life beyond floors. Now we need to discuss bathrooms....NOT.

The rocking shuttlecock

I would like to pay tribute to the marvel of a rocking shuttlecock on a pressure cooker. What a nice invention. I can pay attention to the canning process while writing a blog on the computer in the opposite end of the house. Such a deal. It just makes it rattle and I listen to the speed, knowing if it is hot enough or too cool. It doesn't get much easier than that! Right now I am canning string beans and they take 20 minutes. But last night I did some chicken that takes 75 minutes, way too long to just sit and wait so I worked over the beans while cooking the chicken. With the old dial canner I would have had to stay in the kitchen and actually pay attention rather than sitting downstairs watching the Olympics while preparing the beans to can. Still is work but such a more pleasant way to do the work.

Self Cleaning Floors

I think someone should invest some thought into making self cleaning floors. I have a self cleaning oven. You turn it on, lock the door mechanism and walk away. In a few hours you come back and mop up some white dust and the oven is clean. Yes, I know there are robotic round things that will move around your room and vacuum, but I mean clean and not just collect dust etc. Why this thought? I rented the rug Doctor to clean my carpets today. I want one and all to know it is misnamed, it is not a Doctor because it knows only what I know and I don't know all that much about cleaning rugs.

That said, I cleaned the rug in our bed room first. Daisy is a very dependable dog but she has been left home a lot this summer and it would appear she has decided to punish me for doing same. There have been a few occasions where she has marked my side of the room with her indignation at being left home. Poor baby....but such is life. Anyway, I moved the bed and used the misnamed Rug Doctor to clean it well. Then moved down stairs and gave it a good cleaning. Mind you, it is not clean. One would assume a clean carpet would not give off extremely dirty water, and as many times as I went over the same place I always had very dirty water. I guess it means I need to do this much more frequently....Oh well, such is life. Chances are it will still not be done frequently. And if I do decide to do it more I need to invest in purchasing a machine rather than renting the thing.

That said, I need to get to canning string beans. Oh the joys of this post fair week! But it is all good and I really don't mind all that much.

The County Fair

It is amazing how simple the County Fair is when you don't have children doing everything. Those days of baskets lined up in the kitchen, each loaded with ingredients for whatever is happening that day are gone and, truth be told, I don't miss them. I do miss the involvement however, but have come to the conclusion I can have that on my own terms.

This year I worked with open class food preservation. Another person was in charge and at the last minute didn't come through so I got to do it. It was actually kind of fun, but there have got to be lots of changes for next year. Like people have to follow the directions and those directions need to be spelled out a whole lot more clear. The judge was going to D.Q. half the entries because they didn't have proper paper work, I talked her into white ribbons however. If she had actually D.Q.ed all those we would have had empty shelves. As was they were plenty sparse, but I spread everything out so it looked roomy rather than empty.

And the 4-H portion. No one had all that many entries, just a particularly busy season for everyone. Avery had success with several of her things, bombed on photography but that is not uncommon, but her sewing was well received and she had some cookies that did OK. Samantha had straight blues on her things (4-H had almost straight blues which tells me there was not much judging going on) but my little Kristin came through with the winners. She took sewing Junior Grand champion and reserve grand champion. She also took grand champion in food preservation....and she only entered 5 things to get those 3 purple ribbons! She didn't have much but it was class work, I agree on that one.

Already leaves me thinking that we will do more next year. I can't possibly be more busy than this year! I don't think it is humanly possible to be more busy!

So tomorrow we break things down and then I have my house guests go home and I can start cleaning things and getting organized to start work the first week of September. I have started scheduling things and we will see what comes of this years schedule. Should be easier as there is no seminary.

Blue berries

One would think blue berries would be getting near the end of their season but they don't seem to be doing that. This has been a good year for those little blue critters. I have made at least two dozen quarts of pie filling plus frozen a bunch just as whole berries for future pan cakes and muffins. The family keeps telling me more is better but I am thinking I have gone a wee bit overboard this year. I have so many processed for storage and no one is eating them. Mind you, if I made more pies we would eat more pies. But Larry rarely eats them, the crazy man seems to prefer corn flakes to almost everything, so, being the good little girl that I am, I finish them off and.... and the results of that habit of finishing things off has greatly increased my circumference over the years. So I just process the berries and I don't eat them.
When Linda is no longer pregnant she swears she will use some for her gatherings. And Emily says she practices great conservation on her quarts of pie filling also. I have encouraged her to use a little less conservation until I get the count down a little. Even Nancy has kind of caught the vision as to the easy pie process. Purchase the crust, open the jar, dump and cook...how much easier could that be! Lawrence makes his own crusts but he too has been slow to use the abundance of berries.
Meanwhile, I have picked over a gallon of berries today. It has taken me all day as I pick awhile and then do something else for a time and go back later. I think this is the end of the back-log created with my trip South. I am back on top so it will not take so many hours each day. Ah the joys of abundance!
I do have ulterior motives for doing this however. I can see food storage as a more and more important part of our lives as the economy becomes more and more challenging. We have plenty of healthy food storage, but who wants to live a totally healthy life. I need sugar and processing these berries guarantees me a supply of sweet things for at least a year. One can live on wheat and beans, but it will be much more worth living with sweets!

You are living my life...

I got an interesting letter from my friend Sue. We date back forever, well, nearly. We became friends when we were 18 and that is forever in my book. Anyway, she and husband Gordy live what she joingly calls the "Orange County Life Style". The beautiful home and all the trappings surround this extremely down to earth family. Looking in you see one thing and talking you hear something different. Gordy is a very successfull CEO and travels the world all the time. Sue has been a secretary by choice and recently stopped working so she could travel more with Gordy. They spend about a week every month it would appear out of the country. Most recently they returned from the huge Air Show in England (Gordy's work was at the airshow) where Sue had a week to tour the UK. She saw all the places one would want to see and even was granted the priviledge of seeing Queen Elizabeth, rather unexpected but nice all the same.

Growing up I was sure I would marry a professional and call the world my home, she thought she would stay planted and manage a family. We have switched identities it would seem. We are both satisfied with our lives, but there is this piece of me that still desperately wants to travel and to expand my reference. I don't do much, just parent in all the vastness of that word. All important and it is my choice, but there is still the world out there and I have seen none of it. I try to keep an eternal perspective and that helps, because I will be able to see and do so much when I leave this world for the better one to come....but I still wish I were not so tied sometimes. I would love to take each of the grandchildren on a tour of somewhere and do something. That, however, will not be happening so I will just leave them lots of writings and that will have to suffice. My mind and I can still travel at will and will continue to do so as long as it is functional...and that better be a dang long time because I have lots to imagine doing!

The 21st century

Well, I think I have officially arrived at the 21st century. What allows me to draw that conclusion? A simple fact, I have no car for the rest of the week. Gas prices are crazy and only seem to be getting more crazy and life has thrown me a curve. My car has gone South while I have LJ's car here to fix, and the fix is not happening in a timely manner...hence no car. Larry is taking the Saturn to scout camp and that leave me with the RV, or nothing. I have decided to take a short camping trip on one night just to get away from the house. Local but still out of the house, I love those short trips almost as much as I love the real ones.

Gas locally seems to run about 25 cents a gallon higher than everywhere else. One of the joys of living here I guess. I keep thinking it will round a corner but it doesn't. It has affected my lifestyle and will continue to do so more and more as time moves on.

But as I am forced to stay closer to home I also have the benifit of a good berry crop. The raspberries are in full swing and just now turning the corner to lesser production. The blueberries are slow this year, but they are constant and I think there will be plenty. The Marion berries are now showing some ripe but are still a week out to the real deal. And the black caps are producing slowly and steadily, I freeze them as I wait for enough to deseed....those little rocks in your mouth are very unpleasant so I remove same and make a seedless jam with them. Nothing much else happening in the garden until beans and corn, and those will be in September I think. Late year for almost everything.

That said I will go start my day. Larry has the car so I can't go to the gym again. Makes me sad, I was doing so well and now I am not doing as well. Such is life. I am determined to meet my goal however, so I will just keep picking away at it until I get my life under control and then I can work hard again.

Patience

I am getting a crash course on patience this week. Lawrence's car has decided to take the long road to nowhere so he has my car while I try to get his car back on the road. Meaning a new engene installed, something I know next to nothing about but have a lot of people willing to help, some a plus and many a minus. Anyway, Larry and I are sharing a car and that has never worked well. I got to church barely in time to play prelude and then sat in the car for half an hour after church. I arrive early and leave early, he arrives late and leaves late....not a good combination. But I used my time wisely and read scriptures so it was not for nothing, and tried to manage my attitude. That too was necessary.

Tomorrow I will get started on the tasks at hand, finding a engene for the 2002 honda and cleaning all the messes the past three weeks have hatched in my home. In my house, the beach house and the RV. The major three all could stand some serious cleaning. I am going to take them one at a time. Tomorrow I address the car and then the house, Tuesday I address the RV and go camping at South Whidbey State Park so that I can dump all tanks, Wednesday I address the cabin because Linda and Curtis will be installed there and she will help me as much as she can. But, you know, it was all worth it. I had a wonderful week with my entire family here. I really don't mind paying the bill now....it was worth it.

someday

Someday I will figure out this thing works and then I will be a much more interesting participant. I don't think anyone can respond to my writing because I don't know how to invite them. Oh well, can't say as it really matters all that much. I don't have much to say anyway and when I do I write a letter to those I care about.

Someday the bathroom remodel at the beach will be done. It is like walking uphill every step of the way. The men in my life are all willing to help, but not willing to get things done in a reasonable frame of time. They do something and then sit around and do nothing for weeks. Then I complain and they do one more part of the project. It makes me feel bad to have to ask for each step to be completed. Kind of takes the pleasure out of the whole thing. I guess I made the assumption that their saying they would do it meant from first step to last without me having the beg for each and every step along the way. I Hate begging! I hate feeling like I am nagging when things don't happen! What was supposed to be a fun family project has turned into another chore to get behind me. I hate chores that need to get behind me! Maybe when it is done I will go back to finding some enthusiasm for the completed project rather than resentment for all the begging that I have had to do. You would think this was all for me.... Folks, it isn't! I have not spent one night at the beach since 1977, or rather in the cabin. I did drag the Connie P down for an overnight last year. Argh!!!

Second Hand new

I just returned from the second hand store with three new shirts and a new jacket. I had purchased a red jacket some time back and wore it a lot, liked it a lot but I have managed to loose enough weight that it no longer did good things for mem both physically and emotionally. So I found a new one. It is not as nice as the one I sent out, but it is home with me now. And it is a full two sizes less than the one it replaces so that makes me feel good. I then found 3 shirts, one was a blue cotton that someone had chopped the long sleeves short on. I know they were chopped because they did a lousy job of it. I thought about fixing same but I like the length so we will just pretend it is peachy! Then there was another blue one that has long sleeves and, when I finish this, the sleeves are coming off that one also. It is the season for short sleeves and I will insist. The other is a silk number that I am hoping will be cool enough for the trip to Utah to help Nancy. It is dark of color but light weight so I am thinking it will be fine. Three new things, that is a major haul, plus a replacement of something I had enjoyed. All in all a good day for digging at the second hand store!

Hurry up and wait

Boy is my life a constant game of hurry up and wait. I rush around and get off to seminary, go to the gym and try to do something constructive....not an easy thing for me but I try, then home to do house work etc. But there is this constant interuption called lessons. Some come on time, so don't come at all and some take hours longer than scheduled. It feels like everytime I get serious about doing something I have an interuption. Mind you, it is how I make a living but one would think I could get control over some of this confusion.
I have the best group of kids this season so I really can't complain about that. One advanced student and 6 intermediate plus 5 advanced beginners and my instrumental kids. They range from rediculously advanced to just fun to work with, but all fall into that advanced classification. Sometimes I think it is them that keeps me sane! And, of course, there are the beginners, some of which you have to pull along through strength of will and determination, those are the ones I would rather not teach. I gave notice to two just last week, either get the line out and fish or cut off the hook and get off the boat, so to speak. Enough already. They come under prepared with a set of excuses that I am not interested in. Either do it or don't, the choice is yours, but I am not the judge or the jury to make those decisions for you. We all have busy lives and that is just the way it is. The parents do not work with the kids and somehow they expect me to make them something in the 30-45 minutes I work with them every week. Won't happen. You invest nothing and you get just that in return. Being a musician is a huge investment of time, energy and, to a degree, money. Which reminds me, I have gone up for next year. I need to earn more and I either quit or charge a little more.
And I am also seriously thinking about spending one day a week working out of Avi's studio in Oak Harbor. It offers many benifits that I would enjoy, high on the list is not being responsible for collection of tuition money. Lessons here, gota go...

rose bushes

I pruned the rose bushes this afternoon. I like doing it early because I don't have to cut off so much that is green and growing. Mind you, I cut off the potential but that is easier than the real leaves. Roses are something I would like to grow well, but I don't. So be it, I refuse to spend all the hours necessary to do a good job. I like what I have and they bloom to a degree. Roses bloom better when pruned rather harshley. Kind of like people. I think some of the most beautiful people are those that have been pruned the most. I know I am always improved by a spell of hard things. Interesting how we grow kind of like Roses, so with that in mind, why don't I embrace my hardships? Because they are hard, dang it! And hard is just not fun to deal with. There has been a lot of personal pruning in my world and it seems to be going on and on. I know it will make me a better and stronger person, but I get tired of the cuts even if they are for my own good.

I was supposed to fly to Salt Lake to see Lawrence, Michelle and Nancy this weekend but things just didn't work out. There is a funneral in the ward and everyone was having issues that I would not be there to pull things together. It is nice to be needed but I would like some freedom eventually. I was really looking forward to being off Island and in the real world, but instead I am home pruning the roses and making dinner. Linda and Curtis are coming over so that is a good thing. I love feeding Curtis, he loves to eat and I love to have some appreciate what I cook. Larry seems to prefer corn flakes to my food and that is hard sometimes. But Curtis, he loves food as much as I do. Mind you, both of us are a wee bit fat but he is a good fat when it comes to pleasing his mother-in-law!

Today is also the last day for work at the county for Larry. Retirement starts Monday. May I say that I am terrified of this. He doesn't seem to like me and my world very much and having him around and underfoot all the time just sounds awful. Mind you, I probably will never see him but the hours will be crazy and I have grown accustomed to having time where I dont have to be careful of his needs and wants. It will be a hard adjustment for me....I think he will handle it better.

Friday ends another week

And so ends another week. It has been a good week but Friday always leaves me feeling a little disappointed. I enjoy what I do during the week. I enjoy working with the young people that I invest so much of my time with. But Friday always feels like there should be something special about the day. And, truth be told, there rarely is something special about it. It is usually just another night of being alone. Sometimes I spend the night with the computer, sometimes I read and/or watch television but that about is it. I remember the days when I would go out to a concert, to be with friends and just to relax and celebrate the end of a week and the beginning of a weekend. That is eons ago now, but I still remember and I still wish I could have some of the things I left behind. Being married to Larry is a lonely thing and Friday's make me feel the emptiness more than any other day I think. It is enough to make a person not like weekends!

I remmber as a young person not liking summer vacation. You would get out of school and then go home and work. I never saw any of my friends from the day school got out until the 4th of July, and then not again until the fair and the beginning of another school year. I used to dislike that so much. Always left me wishing school would go on year round so that I could see friends and have interactions.

One would think that kind of beginning would leave me in good stead to fend off the loneliness and it does most of the time. It is just the times when I can not muster the strength to look at another hour alone.

That is pretty much why I gained weight. I found a companion in food. I could eat and it made the pain a little less obvious. But now I am trying so hard to loose the weight and these long lonely evenings make it even more difficult. I do OK most of the time but not well enough to have the weight come off quickly. A pound a week seems to be my lot. But I feel better now than I did 40 pounds ago. I can move much easier and that is a good thing. Doesn't help the lonely times but at least I feel better.

Enough....I will go read until I am tired and then go to bed.

Oh to be able to see life through the eyes of a child! If we could all just take the time to remember that joy what a better world it would be.

Life is such a simple affair when you are little. All you have to do is just be yourself and the world thinks you are the most marvelous of all God's creations. Today has been a snow day. School was delayed and life has taken on that magical aspect that comes with white on everything. So I took off on a short walk with Daisy Dog and little James. I don't know who was more excited, the dog or the grandson, but they both loved the walk. They bounced and they ran, intentionally falling into the snow and getting up. The wide-eyed wonder of a child and the innocence of an animal made me think how lucky we are that we can see through their eyes just every once in awhile. I don't think I take near enough time to just enjoy things. Always rushing off to the next thing to accomplish and forgetting to just enjoy what is without manipulation. Good day for snow and for boys and dogs.